I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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