I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
