very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
