I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
