I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize