I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fuck appropriateness.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
