2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
