3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
