So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
