It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love you. Go after that dick
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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