chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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