Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
