The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
