nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
