i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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