We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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