You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
