You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
