i barfeds in our rink
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
