i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize