my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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