If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
