Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MIDGETS
????
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
