dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he puts the penis in happiness.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
