you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
