I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
