that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
