Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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