Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
