My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
