Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This house was built for laser tag.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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