we have pet lesbian snakes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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