There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
