dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
