I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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