i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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