I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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