She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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