we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
