dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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