my vag is so smooth its legendary
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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