she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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