are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
