Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
