as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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