I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
