do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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