My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
