I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
