My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to make out with him forever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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