The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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