Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
