just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
