apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
