it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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