Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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