she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
