I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
