idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
