Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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