I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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