I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
