Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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