1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
