2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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