that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
